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Filipinos often have a difficult time talking about miscarriages. Because of the heavy subject matter, people are clueless on how to console friends and family members faced with the difficult situation. There is a wide range of emotions that arise from this loss, particularly for women.
Looking for more information on miscarriages can be a daunting task, but it might help understand their physical and mental effects. If you ever find yourself in this state, it helps to know the next steps to take to reach full recovery.
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What is a miscarriage?
A miscarriage happens when a fertilized egg or fetus is removed from the uterus before the 20th week of pregnancy. Some signs include recurring or heavy bleeding, stomach cramps, and lower back pain. If you experience these signs over a few days, consult with your OBGYN as soon as possible.
Miscarriages are common. About 10 to 25% of pregnancies result in complications within the first three months. In the Philippines, a 2018 report showed that there were 19 fatalities for every 1,000 pregnancies.
How do I process a miscarriage?
The emotional impacts on women are quite heavy. They might blame themselves for the miscarriage, which can make the road to recovery more challenging. In reality, the conditions that lead to pregnancy loss are beyond a woman’s control. There can be stressors around the environment, such as work deadlines. In addition, women over 35 are more likely to miscarry due to age.
While processing the loss, it helps to have a support system. Remember that a miscarriage is not something you intentionally caused but an unfortunate event that happened to you.
Take time for yourself.
Because of the loss, you will experience a variety of emotions. These include sadness and anger, which are perfectly valid. Your sense of self-worth may also be affected. Counseling can help you make sense of these feelings and allow you to begin the process of moving forward.
There are a few organizations in the Philippines that offer online counseling sessions, including:
A counselor may advocate for trying out new hobbies while grieving. There are many activities that you can look into, such as painting, yoga, or music. Choosing an interesting hobby can also help you regain physical and mental composure.
Open up about your emotions.
Take the time you need to release your emotions. When you feel comfortable opening up to people around you, share your feelings with family and friends. While they might not know the gravity of your pain, they can help you remember that there are people with you through the loss.
If you are open to sharing with people who have undergone the same situation, there are support groups that you may join.
- Stillbirth Support Group Philippines
- Infant Loss, Still Birth & Pregnancy Loss Support Group (Philippines)
Talk to your partner.
Your partner is probably the person who can identify the most with your emotions. They can provide you with emotional support and help you realize that moving forward is possible.
However, the situation has different effects on men and women. Men may be more action-oriented, choosing to deal with the loss by distracting themselves with work. On the other hand, women can be more open about their grief and are more likely to seek help from others. These differences can create tension in a relationship.
It is crucial to have an open line of communication to foster respect and understanding during this difficult time.
How do I move forward?
Returning to work right away is not the best course of action. If you are worried about work, remember that Republic Act 11210 benefits women that underwent childbirth, miscarriage, or pregnancy termination. Under this law, women are allowed one hundred and five (105) days of leave with pay. Employers may also grant an additional thirty (30) days of leave without pay. Make sure that you are in a healthy state before returning to work.
For those who want to establish a family, trying to conceive another child is something to consider. But the possibility differs per person, so consultations with an OBGYN are essential to determine if it is safe. Remember that you must have ample time to recover physically and mentally to prevent another miscarriage.
The recovery process will be different for each person. Be kind to yourself as you recover. If you have friends and family experiencing loss, be open and understanding. Recovery does not mean forgetting—it just means going through life with renewed determination and wisdom.
Sources
After a Miscarriage: Surviving Emotionally. American Pregnancy Association. (2021, July 16). https://americanpregnancy.org/getting-pregnant/pregnancy-loss/miscarriage-surviving-emotionally/.
Jensen, J. (2020, October 2). How do you heal a broken heart? Coping after miscarriage. Edward-Elmhurst Health.
Masters, M. (2020, May 4). Miscarriage and pregnancy. What to Expect. https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/miscarriage/.
Miscarriage: Signs, symptoms, treatment and prevention. American Pregnancy Association. (2021, July 16).
Philippine Statistics Authority. (2018, October). Philippines National Demographic and Health Survey 2017. Quezon City.
