Coping with the death of a family member or close friend can be one of life's most difficult trials. Our grief might be incredibly profound when we lose a loved one. Although death is accepted as a normal part of life, we can still be overcome by shock and bewilderment. Although the sadness usually fades with time, grieving is a vital step in overcoming these sentiments and continuing to cherish the time you spent with your loved one.
One thing that may add pain to wounds left behind by the loss of someone important in our lives is the task of sorting through their belongings. Everyday objects will suddenly seem important and irreplaceable to the bereaved. It can be challenging to part with some things, but sorting through them and rehoming others can be a step towards healing.
Segregating the Belongings
It would be easier to sort through your loved one’s items with a system to identify important and sentimental things. This avoids mixing them with regular, everyday objects that could be donated to those in need. For this system, you may use four markers to separate the items. Before starting, make sure to inform those close to the deceased so that no misunderstanding among the segregation occurs.
Keep
These are for the items you intend to keep for yourself or someone who was also close to the deceased. Be it well-worn jackets or priceless engagement rings, ask yourself and those around you if they would like to keep some items.
This pile quickly becomes a lot as we are hesitant to let go of the items. Always ask yourself if someone else could benefit from their clothes or if you have space for them.
Donate
As mentioned earlier, some items may be better off donated to a charity championing a cause that the deceased was passionate about. Look through their things and gather the ones that can be donated. Here are some organizations in the Philippines that can receive the items:
- Segunda Mana is a non-profit organization run by Caritas Manila. They support the less fortunate by collecting old clothes, furniture, and appliances. They also fund scholarships for the underprivileged youth. You may check to drop-off locations for Segunda Mana through this link.
- Abot PH is a charity foundation that donates items to several communities of indigenous people. The organization hosts in-kind contribution drives to collect clothing, literature, toys, or other items you are willing to donate. The group has also created a database of communities in need and their specific needs.
- Goodwill PH. New or gently used items donated to Goodwill are resold in their stores. Proceeds from these items go to occupational training for the unemployed, as well as placement services for their beneficiaries. They also assist PWDs by distributing commodities such as old clothing and appliances. The drop-off address for Goodwill PH is 22 VRCC Rd., VFP Taguig City. You can also send them a message through their Facebook page for pick-up of your items.
Discard
We recommend discarding items such as half-empty shampoo bottles, medications, and other consumable items that the deceased did not entirely consume before passing away. If your community has a recycling system, refer to them for proper disposal.
"Unsure"
You can use a box to house items you are unsure about keeping, donating, or discarding. There are instances when you have no idea what the item is, or are waiting for someone else to sift through them. This box can be a temporary storage as you decide what to do with its contents.
Contemplating the Process
While going through the deceased's belongings, you may ask yourself the following questions:
Who else were they important to? Would they want some of their belongings?
Perhaps another person close to the deceased would like to have some of their belongings to keep. Ask other people who were important to them if they would like to keep some items, as they may find comfort in them.
Do you know what causes were important to them? Could you honor those causes in some way?
Perhaps they loved children or frequently volunteered in homeless shelters. Remember what was important to them, and try your best to reach out to institutions and organizations to donate their belongings. This act can help honor their advocacies even after they have passed away.
Am I ready to let some of their things go?
Ask yourself if you need more time to sift through their things and grieve. Clothing that still has their scent or plush toys that were once dear to them may provide comfort. Take the time you need and do not push yourself to get rid of belongings you still value. Remember to understand your grief and mourn while taking comfort from what was once theirs.
Are there any support groups that can help me?
There can be times when it would be difficult to discuss the loss with your inner circle. If you would rather talk with counselors of people who understand the loss, support groups can be a great resource. Here is a link to some organizations that are based in the Philippines.
It is not always easy to overcome the sadness that occurs when a loved one passes away. Furthermore, the sorrow and emotions can be overwhelming. You can complete this task and return to daily routines. Going through the items can help you begin the process of moving on.
If you cannot fully discard all of their things in one sitting, remember that to go at your own pace. From time to time, you may check these items again and let yourself decide if you’re now comfortable to donate, sell or discard these. Grieving is not a race—some people will take longer than others to move forward.
