For many Filipinos, pets are beloved family members and losing one can be deeply painful. The grieving process after a pet's death is an individual experience where one deals with overwhelming emotions. However, the attachment between humans and these companions is often so strong that it is common to mourn similarly to losing a human family member.
The death of a pet comes with intense sadness, but as with any form of grief, there are steps you can take to help you process your loss and begin healing.
Why does losing my pet hurt so much?
Over the years, the time you spent with your pet became a significant part of your daily life. They aren't simply just animals to you; they are a core member of the family. They have become a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional love and emotional support, of protection and unwavering loyalty. There is an undeniable and unique bond between you and your pet, and suddenly losing them can trigger painful emotions that may be difficult for you to understand and overcome.
While a death of a loved one may evoke compassion and ritualized support from others, the sympathy and acceptance of grief we receive after a beloved pet dies is often inadequate. These feelings can make the experience even more painful and challenging, and you may begin to question the validity of your feelings. Unfortunately, some people do not relate to the bond between a human and a pet. As a result, they may not understand your pain, making it hard for them to help you deal with the loss.
Intense grief over losing your pet is normal and natural.
What can I expect to feel?
A necessary step to get beyond the grief and heal is to acknowledge and come to terms with the intense pain accompanying such loss. Besides the pain and the loss you feel, you may also experience the following emotions:
- Guilt. This may occur when you feel responsible for the loss of your pet. The last thing you wanted to do was put your pet in harm's way. Whether this guilt is imagined or real, it is important to know that this reaction is normal.
- Denial. It is hard to accept that your beloved pet is gone. This denial and shock is a natural defense mechanism, helping you move on and process trauma.
- Anger. When the death of a pet feels unjust, owners naturally get angry. This is one of the signs of pain due to the loss. Allowing this anger to surface and managing it helps in the grieving process.
- Depression. When the loss becomes more tangible, a sense of emptiness takes over. Once the sadness is welcomed and accepted, it can help you understand your loss and help you adapt to the reality that your pet is gone.
What can I do to cope with the loss?
Make sure you have adequate social support. The reactions and sympathy of your friends and family can help validate what you feel. Working through your grief with another person is one of the best ways to understand your feelings and put them into perspective. Surround yourself with those who will not invalidate your emotions, letting you cry if you need to. If you feel like you need more support, you can check with a local pet clinic or veterinarian for a pet loss support group or hotline.
Find ways to memorialize your pet. After a loss, it's often helpful to create a remembrance to celebrate the life of your pet. Preparing a funeral or creating a memorial for your furry friend can help you express feelings of loss and grief to begin healing. Several heartfelt mementos that some pet aftercare services provide include a framed picture, memorial card, paw clay box, and lock of hair from your pet.
Re-establish your daily routines. Your pet became a part of your everyday life, and they helped create a structure for your daily activities. These included feeding times, training periods, walk or playtimes, and bedtime habits. When you lose an essential part of your life, your daily routines might get disrupted. Re-establishing a new routine and gradually introducing new patterns after your loss is a critical step to return to emotional normalcy.
Maintain the daily routines of other pets in the household. Pets are particularly aware of their surroundings and are bound to notice the absence of a companion. You may need to give them a lot of extra love and attention during this period since they can also experience sadness when another pet dies. Maintaining their daily routine or even taking them for an extra walk each day can help elevate your mood and help you through your grief.
Consider getting another pet, but only when you're ready. There are numerous reasons to share your life again with a new companion, but the decision to do so is a deeply personal one. It may be tempting to rush and fill the void they left behind in your life when they passed, but it is best to grieve for your deceased pet first. Before getting a new pet, you should ask yourself whether you're ready to heal and build a new relationship rather than look backwards and mourn a loss.
Then, when you are ready, choose an animal with whom you can create another long, loving relationship. It is not to replace your beloved companion but to offer you a new sense of purpose and companionship with another family member.
What do I tell my child?
For many children, losing a pet is often their first experience with death. This is the best time for you to provide information and address their fears and misconceptions about death and the loss of your pet.
A child's concept of death depends on their age and developmental stage. Generally, children of 3 to 5 years of age may see death as a temporary departure or potentially reversible. Children between ages 5 to 8 years old begin to understand the more realistic concept of death. They start to realize that death is final. However, they may still associate death with violence and aggression and perceive death as something they can avoid. By the age of 9, children can fully understand that death is inevitable and is a part of life. They can fully grasp the concept of mortality and can be expressed by either an interest in the afterlife or a fear of death.
For this reason, you should avoid shielding your child away from grieving over the loss of a pet by pretending that the pet only "went away." This may result in the child wondering what they did to make the pet leave and wait for its return. Hiding the truth can also make it difficult for your child to accept a new pet.
When explaining the loss of their pet, it is often helpful to make your child as comfortable as possible (using a soothing voice, holding their hand) and to be honest and clear about what happened. For young children, explaining to them that the death of their pet means that the pet won't wake up again is far better than trying to protect a child with inaccurate and vague explanations. Unfortunately, it can leave them even more confused, frightened, and betrayed.
Never assume your child is too young or too old to grieve, and never criticize them for crying. Instead, spend time talking with your child about what they feel and encourage them to come to you for questions or comfort and reassurance. Allow them to grieve and let them know it is normal to miss their pet after losing them.
What should I do next?
One of the most agonizing decisions a pet owner ever has to make is whether or when to euthanize their pet. A pet's death brings with it yet another tough decision to deal with: how to handle your pet's remains. Most often, a dignified burial or cremation is a final, fitting act of farewell for their beloved pet. If it is essential for you that your pet's remains are treated with the same love and care that you gave them during their lifetime, consider looking into home burial, pet cemetery burial, or cremation through a pet crematory.
Home burial is a popular option. It is practical, and it allows you to create your funeral ceremony at a low cost. It also provides the opportunity to create a permanent legacy for your pet, such as a grave marker, a statue, or even a tree planted over your pet's grave. However, pet burials are usually prevented by city ordinances due to health hazards. It may also not be suitable for renters and people who frequently move homes. So before choosing this option, check your local government's policies regarding home burial to avoid future problems.
Cemetery burial can be a pricey option, especially in the Philippines. However, it is a comforting, secure way to handle a pet's remains. To many fur parents, choosing to bury their pet in a pet cemetery can also offer a sense of dignity, security, and continuity. The costs of pet cemetery services vary depending on the services you select and the type of pet you have.
Cremation is a less expensive alternative that lets you handle your pet's remains in various ways. These include burying them in your backyard, scattering their ashes in their favorite park, placing them in a columbarium, or even keeping them in your home in a decorative urn.
As difficult as it may seem, a proper send-off for your beloved companion will help you finally move forward while keeping them alive in your heart. Check with your veterinarian, pet shop, animal shelters for options available in your area, or visit OneLife.ph for your pet burial needs.
"The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal, and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to." - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Sources:
Farricelli, Adrienne. “The Stages of Grief When Losing a Dog.” PetHelpful. PetHelpful, August 19, 2018. https://pethelpful.com/pet-ownership/The-Stages-of-Grief-When-Losing-a-Dog.
“Goodbye, Fur-Baby: 5 Pet Cremation and Pet Burial Services in Metro Manila and Cavite | One Life PH.” Goodbye, Fur-Baby: 5 Pet Cremation and Pet Burial Services In Metro Manila And Cavite | One Life PH, 2020. https://www.onelife.ph/articles/goodbye-fur-baby-5-pet-cremation-and-pet-burial-services-in-metro-manila-and-cavite.
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