A eulogy—from the Greek word eulogia, which translates to “high praise”—is a speech commonly delivered during a funeral service to honor the dead and remember the life they lived.
Considering the many cultural traditions in the Philippines about death and funerals, it is surprising that delivering a eulogy is not one of them. Since it is uncommon for many people, it can be confusing when you get assigned to the task.
However, one thing you should know about eulogies is how comforting they can be, both for the speaker and the audience. There is no “perfect eulogy,” but it does help to have guidelines to follow when writing one.
How long should a eulogy be?
The consensus is that a eulogy should be around three to ten minutes long. This means that you should write around 500 to 1500 words.
Although not always necessary, you may also ask the advice of the funeral director regarding the length of the eulogy. There are funeral venues that allocate a specific time length for funeral services.
What is included in a eulogy?
Since a eulogy is a tribute to the departed, it is essential to highlight the things closest to their heart. These can include:
- A brief background (i.e., date and place of birth, nicknames, family, pets, etc.)
- Personal descriptions of relationships with family members, friends, and colleagues (Were they a father’s daughter? The mother of the group? A reliable coworker?)
- Dreams, goals, and interests
- Accomplishments—education-wise and career-wise
- Anecdotes of people about and with the deceased
- Favorite movie line, poem, proverb, quote, religious writing, and/or song
- Words/phrase/statement that the deceased used to always say
Before Writing a Eulogy
Gather information and anecdotes you want to include in the eulogy. Here are some ways to do this:
- Interview the people closest to the deceased. This will allow you to paint a clearer picture of who they were as a person. Alongside this, storytelling sessions can also help you and your interviewee look back on the good memories you shared with the person you have lost.
- Write down keywords that come to mind to help the words flow easier.
- Create mood boards. Mood boards allow you to see visual representations, such as photos and documents, of the memories of the deceased.
Writing the Eulogy
Find a common theme
After successfully gathering all the information and anecdotes that you need for the eulogy, you must take the time to organize everything and allow yourself to find a common theme. Doing so will help in making the writing process easier and smoother for you. This step will also help you decide as to what information to include and what to omit.
Setting a specific tone
Just because it is a funeral service does not necessarily mean that your speech has to be downright melancholic or somber. In setting the tone of the eulogy, you must first consider who the deceased was as a person. (Were they an introvert? A jokester? A realist?)
Afterwards, think of the audience you will be facing. Keep in mind that their emotions can be all over the place; hence, you should thread through your speech carefully.
Writing a draft
The first draft you write is not necessarily the one you will deliver in front of the audience. Try reading your draft out loud to make sure it sounds personal. Then, time yourself. Is it shorter or longer than it should be? Make the necessary adjustments afterwards. You can also ask for feedback from the people closest to the deceased to ensure accuracy.
You may then proceed with writing succeeding drafts. After that, practice your speech. You may also memorize some parts to avoid stuttering.
Before Delivering a Eulogy
In order to properly and successfully deliver the eulogy, there are plenty of things that you must remember and take into consideration.
Attire
Since you are delivering a speech in a formal event, dress accordingly. Avoid wearing bright and flashy clothing, as this will take away from the speech you are delivering.
Preparation
Emotions can be overwhelming, so be prepared. Bring a handkerchief for when tears start to fall. It also helps to have a bottle of water for when your voice becomes raspy. Aside from this, you may also designate a stand-in just in case you find yourself unable to accomplish your task due to sickness, overwhelming emotions, or any other reason.
Actual delivery
In delivering a eulogy, it is important to begin with a short introduction of who you are and your relationship with the deceased. Speak slow enough for the crowd to understand. Avoid moving too much and making too many gestures, as this can distract the audience. Lastly, allow yourself to feel your own emotions. There is a high chance that you might cry, and that is alright. Let yourself feel. If you find yourself unable to continue, you can always ask your stand-in (or somebody else, if you do not have one) to continue on your behalf.
Resources
To further help you write a eulogy, below are samples of quotes, poems, and eulogies that you could read through and find inspiration from.
Quotes
“Grief can awaken us to new values and new and deeper appreciations. Grief can cause us to reprioritize things in our lives, to recognize what’s really important and put it first. Grief can heighten our gratitude as we cease taking the gifts life bestows on us for granted. Grief can give us the wisdom of being with death. Grief can make death the companion on our left who guides us and gives us advice. None of this growth makes the loss good and worthwhile, but it is the good that comes out of the bad.” – Roger Bertschausen
“Life has to end. Love doesn’t.” – The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom
“I fall asleep in the full and certain hope that my slumber shall not be broken; and that, though I be all-forgetting, yet I shall not be all-forgotten, but continue that life in the thoughts and deeds of those I have loved.” – Samuel Butler
Poems
- Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas
- If I should go before the rest of you by Joyce Grenfell
- Let Me Go by Christina Rossetti
Eulogies
- Eulogy of Oprah Winfrey for Rosa Parks
- Eulogy of John Cleese for Graham Chapman
- Eulogy of Earl Spencer for Diana, Princess of Wales
Writing and delivering a eulogy is never an easy task to accomplish. It helps to remember that writing and delivering a eulogy is more than just dealing with the speaker's emotions. It is an act that seeks to honor the dead and comfort the bereaved.
While not an innate Filipino cultural tradition, it certainly is a good practice that can benefit the funeral service.
Sources
Compose.Ly. (2018, December 27). How to Write a Moving Eulogy – Guidance and Examples. Compose.Ly. https://speechwriting.compose.ly/eulogies/how-to-write-a-moving-eulogy-guidance-and-examples/
Funeralwise.com. (2020, September 18). Writing Funeral Eulogies That Will Be Remembered: Tips and Advice. Funeralwise. https://www.funeralwise.com/celebration-of-life/ceremony/eulogy/
Love Lives On. (2021, April 13). How to Write a Eulogy and Speak Like a Pro. https://www.loveliveson.com/how-to-write-a-eulogy/
Thomas, D. (1951). Do not go gentle into that good night. Marguerite Caetani.
