Although grief is a natural response to loss, it can be overwhelming for young children experiencing it for the first time. They might express the emotions in a different way than adults. Despite their intense feelings, it does not mean that you should shelter them from undergoing the grieving process.
Instead of diverting their attention from grief, you can be a confidant and companion throughout this time.
Helping a bereaved child
For parents and guardians
One thing to bear in mind when dealing with a grieving child is time. These young people are experiencing mood changes that prevent them from fully processing the loss at once. You may have conversations with them about the situation, easing them into their new reality. However, remember that your interactions with them should reflect your established relationship with them.
As a parent or guardian, it is likely that you are also dealing with the bereavement. You may feel similar emotions to that of your child. Be sure to manage your emotional, mental, and physical well-being while also helping your child.
Much like your child, it is important to allow yourself to grieve. Expressing your grief will help them understand that it is alright to feel their emotions. You may take turns talking about your feelings with them.
It is crucial to resume daily routines. Let your child return to school, university, or work if they decide to do so. This may be a way for them to process their grief.
For teachers
Teachers are also a possible support system for children. They can be a helpful resource for easing back into regular routines after going through death and loss. However, not individuals share the same belief system—it might be helpful for the teacher to engage the child and the family in a discussion to figure out the right form of assistance.
In addition, the grief process may likely affect the academic performance as well as the behavior of the child. Teachers should take the time to understand the situation and carefully communicate with the child to reinforce boundaries.
Should the child attempt to start a conversation, allow them to share their concerns, feelings, and thoughts without judgment. This may be emotionally taxing for you as a non-family member, so you should also be able to seek support from your department or colleagues if needed. A guidance counselor could also help with talking to the student.
For correctional institutions
It is essential that the person in charge of the bereaved child is aware of the death before they engage with the child. A detailed care plan must be formulated, for the officer to protect the well-being and safety of the bereaved child, as well as that of the other children at the facility.
The designated personnel must also be available anytime that the child needs them. However, they should also maintain the balance between actively supporting the bereaved child and helping them not become the target of bullying by other people in the facility. It may also be beneficial to communicate with other staff to let them know of the bereavement.
For social workers
Social workers are known to have a significant role in helping children who are grieving. Plenty of children find themselves more comfortable communicating their grief to a social worker than other adults. As such, a social worker designated to a child must be appropriately trained regarding bereavement, its core aspects, and methods of handling it.
The social worker may also offer support to the bereaved child while actively maintaining professional boundaries. This avoids critical consequences, such as having the child grow attached to the social worker. One thing to help avoid this is by encouraging the child to start communicating with their family members more. Should you discover that the child has grown attached, an immediate discussion with your colleagues and managers is necessary.
You may also find yourself needing the support of your manager, supervisor, or colleague in the process of supporting a bereaved child. It is also helpful to have a colleague who can accompany you as you converse with the child, so that they may still have someone to turn to in your absence.
Key Points to Remember
Here are a few key points to keep in mind to further guide you in helping a bereaved child handle their grief:
- Bereaved children manifest varying responses to the death of a loved one.
- You must be capable of maintaining the usual routine of the bereaved child as much as possible.
- Allow the bereaved child the time and the space that they need to feel and express their grief.
- Remember that you do not need to have all the answers and that it is alright to ask for help when needed.
- Do not be afraid to reinforce boundaries when necessary, but be considerate.
Knowing the potential harmful manifestations of grief in a bereaved child may cause anxiety. However, you should know that plenty of resources are readily available. There are articles and booklets you can read, professionals you can contact, and online communities and programs you can join.
Articles and booklets
After a Loved One Dies—How Children Grieve
Supporting the Grieving Child and Family
Professionals
Psychology Services - Philippines
Online Communities and Programs
AfterTalk: Write. Share. Always there.
Learning how to properly help bereaved children can make a significant impact on a child’s personal growth. By helping them deal with the loss and grief, you are giving them the chance to attain a deeper understanding of what life is all about. Consequently, they may find themselves becoming more compassionate towards people and more appreciative of life itself.
Sources
Childrens’ understanding of death. (n.d.). Cruse Bereavement Care. Retrieved August 2, 2021, from https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/for-parents/childrens-understanding-of-death
How to help a child or young person. (n.d.). Cruse Bereavement Care. Retrieved August 2, 2021, from https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/for-parents/how-to-help-a-child-or-young-person
Gunner, S. (n.d.). About Childhood Grief. National Alliance for Children’s Grief. Retrieved August 2, 2021, from https://childrengrieve.org/resources/about-childhood-grief
Loss from a child’s perspective. (n.d.). Cruse Bereavement Care. Retrieved August 3, 2021, from https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/for-parents/loss-from-a-childs-perspective
Teenagers’ understanding of death. (n.d.). Cruse Bereavement Care. Retrieved August 3, 2021, from https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/for-parents/teenagers-understanding-of-death
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